It's About Love

When I was entering high school, in a small rural town in Northern California that wouldn't be out of place in the Bible Belt, a rumor made its insidious way to me. The high school physical education teacher was a *lesbian*. Now the horrific tones in which this was whispered to me seemed to suggest that being a lesbian was a pretty bad thing, and I wondered what the word meant, and if it was as horrific as it sounded, why was she still teaching?

So I asked my mother, and she defined it for me, and I was horrified. Girls could like other girls? Like that? Ew! Gross out! And to top it off, this was my physical education teacher, and we had to strip naked and change into PE clothes in a locker room! Oh my god, what if she did her job merely to oogle the girls who were forced to take PE from her? I mean, what if she fell in love with *me*? This lead to a few awful nightmares before school started this year, and the first few weeks were rather hell.

When I got to college, at the University of California, Berkeley, I learned there was a name for what had transpired in my freshman year of high school: homophobia. And four years of Berkeley did me some good, considering I ended up writing my undergraduate thesis on the assassination of George Moscone and Harvey Milk by Dan White a mere six days after I was born. To top it off, I found out a cousin of mine was a homosexual, and watching him interact with his partner, it became obvious that they were madly in love with each other.

So why is it that my boyfriend and I can get married, but my cousin and his boyfriend can't?

Which is why I applaud the Massachusetts Supreme Court for their decision that nothing less than gay marriage can be tolerated, and to the guts of San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom for ordering gay marriages in San Francisco. He said:

"America has struggled since its inception to eradicate discrimination in all forms," said Newsom, who did not officiate over ceremonies Thursday. "California's Constitution leaves no doubts. It leaves no room for any form of discrimination.''

However, the water gets treacherous from here on out. You see, California has a Defense of Marriage Act. It was passed by the voters in the spring of 2000 (Proposition 22 on that ballot. I voted it down. As usual, I was on the losing side). Despite that fact, California has been progressive in the domestic partnership agenda, but strictly speaking, what Gavin Newsom has done here is a powerful symbolic gesture, but whether, in the end, it will be useful remains to be seen.

I will note that the first same-sex couple ever to be wedded in these United States, Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, who have been active in lesbian rights issues since the mid-1950s, have been together as a couple since Valentine's Day 1953, which means that Saturday, they'll celebrate their 51st anniversary together. Fifty years of loving one another, and they finally get the right to say "I do." Goddamn, that's not right, and that's why I'm glad this is happening.

And I'm glad San Francisco, my beloved city, which has always been at the forefront of the gay and lesbian movements is the first city in the US to pull this off. The fundies, whether they be in the Bible Belt or in the Central Valley of California, are going to do everything they damned well can to stop this. But in the end, I can hope that my cousin and his boyfriend or my friends G. and D., who also love one another dearly, might be able to step up to the altar and say, "I do."

As for the story? After about a month or two of cowering and hiding and changing in the shower stalls where the PE teacher couldn't see us, I finally decided that this was stupid, and started actually dressing in front of my locker. And as I got to know her, my PE teacher seemed to be a very nice lady, and my tendency to see everybody as a human being won out over my fear of the whole "lesbian" thing.

My town didn't fare so well. Despite suffering a horrific murder the summer previous, premeditated specifically because they were gay, Shasta County went on to vote yes on Proposition 22 by the percentages 71%-29%. (If you're interested in the case, a Google search for matsen mowder murder will find you plenty of resources.

I hold out hope that someday, even Redding will be able to see that it isn't about the equipment or lack thereof, but that it's about love. Which is as it should be.

Posted by katster at February 12, 2004 11:48 PM

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