Live from the Nuke Free Zone

Had to visit the DMV this week.

This    is    as    fun    as    it    sounds.

Long story short, I’ve been in Pennsylvania for too long driving with a Texas driver’s license, and the cop was nice enough not to cite me for it but I need to get one ASAP.  When I visited I remembered why I thought it was such a hassle last time that I procrastinated getting one when I came here, eventually forgetting to get one at all.

I need: birth certificate, Social Security card, my out-of-state license, and two forms of proof of residency.  Bear in mind, despite having on me a voter ID, a Social Security card and a valid driver’s license for which I had, presumably, gone through the same rigamarole in a previous state, the Pennsylvania DMV doesn’t trust that I am a United States citizen.  To make sure we don’t let the terrorists win, I have to get a birth certificate from Texas.

Not faxed.  Oh no.  That could be faked.  A real birth certificate, stamped with a raised seal.  Which, according to the State of Texas’ governmental web site, apparently well-ranked among state web sites, can be express mailed to me! — after the actual paper copy is made, which will take up to 12 days.  The inconvenience involved in me not being able to drive between now and then is, of course, negligible compared to not letting a fake driver’s license get by the ever-vigilant states.

Jeez, government.  Learn to set a cookie.  I can think of three solutions to this nonsense off the top of my head:

1.) Digitize important records like birth certificates.  Let every state give the other 49 states verifiable trusted access from government terminals.  “Ah, Texas?  Let me just request that… it’s printing out now… there we are.”

2.)  If privacy advocates panic (and really, people, there’s a difference between trying to hunt down the whistleblower and creating a national ID card; at this moment I would sleep in line for a national driver’s license), you could at least digitize the things and have them available to print out, seal with your little important raising seal, and mail off, saving perhaps just a bit off 12 days of hunting through, I don’t know, file cabinets or something.
3.)  At the very least, learn to interoperate among similar agencies.  “Ah, Texas driver’s license?  Did you show a birth certificate to get that?  Let me just ask the Texas DMV then… yes, it says here you had to show a birth certificate and Social Security card.  Very good, now I’ll just need to see proof of Pennsylvania residency.”

DMVs do not have to be dinosaurs, nor are they always the worst offenders.  I have been able to perform many valuable government functions online, including DMV tasks, and my occasional necessary visits have often gone smoothly.  But the reputation for shoddy service is based in much fact, and a state that smooths operations at a DMV improves the most common — and most commonly irritating — contact that many people have with a significant function of government.  It’s one of those minor-seeming things that gives civil service an undeserved bad reputation.

(One reason driver licensing is so onerous is that it’s so much more than confirmation that you can safely operate a vehicle.  We’ve stacked way too much on this one card, because it’s the most ubiquitous government-issued photo ID.  What we need, instead, is a simple driver licensing process and, if you wish to demand the safeguards for identity, to have these put into the process of applying for a government-issued photo ID.  It’s not rocket science, and I hold privacy alarmists partially responsible for my irritating day today.)